Skip to main content

Let's (not) talk about sex

The highway of communication is fraught with misinterpretation, innuendos and blushes.
 The learner driver of a new language can find themselves in uncomfortable but hilarious situations!
Learning the alphabet has never been so dangerous ( this has been proven to me time and again) as it is when it is sign language alphabet. Your hands can find themselves in very sticky situations!!!!!

You have to be very specific when you are talking about parts of the human anatomy. A friend was helping me through the process of signing into hospital through the doctor. He asked the usual admission questions Are you a smoker? I admitted to smoking a joint when I was 18. One particular question . had me stumped. A friend kept asking me the same question I repeated louder and louder "bowls" Every patient on the ward was looking for the sick bowls. Eventually my friend asked the doctor how to spell the word. She forgot that my poo had an e in it.

Not long after this incident, a younger cousin was visiting me in hospital, my aunt was with him. She is a hairdresser. While he was learning the language, his signing was all over the place. His hand kept moving around like that girls head in the exorcist! I asked if he had been anywhere before he visited me. He signed in his back to front manner in nanny's for a blow job. I shrieked what he said. He went puce and found a way for the ground to open up and swallow him! The poor lad meant to say dry.

I was recently shopping for a baby present for a friend. In the shop my PA asked do you know the and started blushing and trying to spell a word beginning with s. She just kept stuttering sss. In the end she said girl or boy. I said sex you do know where your 3 kids came from right?! On another occasion with the same lady, I was shopping for funny bits for my dad's birthday party games. For a laugh, I looked in the hen party section of the pound shop for things to put inside balloons. She found a little pink box with nooky on it and looked inside. She nearly died there on the spot. She said I cant believe I found this in Dealz I asked what she means. She kept saying its a ring c c c c co ring making very suggestive motions with her fingers. In the end she kind whispers tiny cock ring. She seems mortally afraid that people will overhear her signing naughty words.

The hand is a dangerous weapon - use with caution ( watch out for the brain too).

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Life Under the Knife

Hello, is it fun you're looking for? I suppose I'd better explain myself before things get weird. < Last year I was in hospital for over 3 months. My Dad visited me every day with coffee and cakes (thank you Dad)!!!. We were chatting one day when I said "Do you remember people telling Mam that she should write a book?" ( sadly she took the stairway to heaven 3 years ago). I said to my Dad "Can you imagine the book we could have written together?" You see the condition that we both suffer from is called Neurofibromatosis type 2 (NF2). We were both in and out of hospital pretty much all of our lives. I was thinking to myself that I don't have enough for a book, but maybe a blog. The craziest things happen to me and around me. What's one thing I do have? Stories so crazy, they'd make you question reality. I was pretty much completely blind, so I had nothing to do but think. I tried to remember the 20 years worth of stories and I have a me...

Breakfast at Elizabeth's

I had your average childhood but I didn't have your average granny! She was famous for three things: the cardigans she knit, her big heart and the fact she was the biggest messer going! I lived around the corner from her so I spent a lot of time in her house. That said, even the cousins that lived far away spent all their time there too. We had two types of sleepovers in her house, sleeping in the front room in a normal fashion where you woke up with somebody's foot in your face  - you were luck it was a foot! or sleeping in the back garden in a tent where nanny would come out and chuck a glass of water into the tent her version of a wake up call! There were so many water fights in her house, usually started by her. She was throwing party balloons filled with water before water balloons were a thing. She'd whip out the garden hose at a moments notice or feck a glass of water out the kitchen door as we sunbathed in the back garden. We all wanted to go to her house to play ...