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I want to break free

If you have ever spent an extended time in hospital, you will know that it is like prison. They make the beds as uncomfortable as possible to make sure you don't stay. There is no privacy and no entertainment and the food is not up to nutritional standards and you definitely have to watch out for the warden!

The year I sampled the menu in 4 different Dublin hospitals left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm still traumatised by some of the things I saw on my plate. Chicken curry with cabbage on the side! I was woken many times by the sensation of having something poked in my ear thank god it was a thermometer! I spent two months in one hospital, made a brief detour to another for a brief stay. a further 3 months in another and the day before I was due to be discharged, I ended up in another hospital. This my friends is prison and the food is gruel and punishment.

Some of my uncles and cousins orchestrated a prison break for Christmas day for a few hours mission impossible music was playing as I tried to escape the hospital! I was a learner driver in a wheelchair.
In  the car park my catheter bag fell to the ground where I promptly ran over it. They had forgotten to empty the bag so there was my Christmas piss explosion situation.Thankfully nobody had to make a wardrobe change.

 Back to the ward to change my bag, I eventually got out of the hospital for a few hours anyway. Prison break take 2. They even call it day release! On new years eve, one of my cousins brought in a coffee cup filled with baileys the nurses were a bit puzzled as to why I was so interested in cold coffee. Most people get a kiss at midnight I got a midnight catheter change! not exactly a rocking new years eve! In physical rehabilitation  they are totally over the top with health and safety you weren't allowed to walk around on your own and you had to be escorted to the bathroom. This is where the bruised/ tattooed ass tat bottomed girl story came from. A friend came in to see me regularly after work. On one occasion I was eating lunch when a health care assistant/ prison warden came over and said no talking while wagging her finger. Apparently it had to be silence at food times. As I said I was still a learner driver in the wheelchair, so I made a few dents in the place.

The day before I was due to be finally released from this hell, I had to go to another hospital where I spent my 30th birthday. Thankfully the menu in this hospital wasn't quite as bad. The day before my birthday one of my cousins brought in non-alcoholic champagne  bless her. Thankfully my mum and dad had brought in a bottle of the real McCoy. I eventually escaped this medical merry go round but I still had nightmares about some of the food.





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